Examining the past lest we repeat it…

There have been so many things running through our minds with this new reality of ours. The Lord is showing both Tim and I things and different perspectives and what we are seeing is heartbreaking. We have both been getting educated about these insidious things that have been recently named in our relationship. The standard by which we measure everything has been changed, corrected. We both, unbeknownst to each other, had been running history through our minds and holding it up to this new standard of measure.

Two days ago when Tim got home I said, “We need to talk. I’ve been thinking tons about your mom and grandmom.” (We don’t even know her name! She’s just gone and her grandchildren don’t know her name!) We were both told that his granddad had a mistress for most of their marriage and when his wife died he married the mistress. How that crushed her soul and I don’t know her name! Her grandson doesn’t know her name…her great grandchildren don’t know her name! We don’t even know for sure if this is true…

He said, “Me, too. The way things were…”

We talked some more about it and moved on but we both had it on our minds. I think that to tell the story would be beneficial to many but some might not like it. Again, last night, I told Tim we needed to talk and we did. I shared my concerns about telling the story and he said, “This will help people and that is what I want to do.”

After much more discussion he said, “I want you to tell this story.” So here I am, telling a very light version of it lest we offend.

There have just been lots of things clicking into place in both of our minds and if we are correct we have been living under a generational curse at least 3 generations old, I pray it stops with our generation. One of the first clicks was in our counseling session at Intimacy in Marriage when both of us agreed that I was the black sheep in our family. It didn’t take much for us to begin correlating other situations in history to our own. We were not a team in our marriage, it was him against me and this is what our kids had modeled before them. Just as Tim had certain behaviors and attitudes modeled before him and his dad had certain behaviors and attitudes modeled before him. These are the lessons that teach us how to navigate this world. Lessons that destroy souls, making people disappear before your eyes although their heart still beats and their breath still comes…

We see it modeled in the world and on television and in our homes and we take these destructive patterns of dealing with life into the new families we create and several generations later someone wakes up. These patterns have by now become patterns of abuse that seem the standard and are acceptable, right even. There is an insurance commercial that is so disturbing to me. It is modeling resentment, bitterness, secrets and vengeance in a marriage, in a family. The man, the alleged leader and protector of this family is displaying passive aggressive behavior for us to see and learn by. Dysfunction is honored and it is so damaging. We must go back to the only true and right standard and that is the God’s Word. Our problems begin when we scoff at what it says, becoming fools. We truly know not the damage we are inflicting on each other.

My last post I said the Lord was leading me to Ephesians 6. He was actually leading me to chapters 4, 5 and 6. So many things jumped in my soul, one being this, Ephesians 4:1-3. It was hard to define where to stop it’s so good so keep reading on your own, it is rich!  This scripture was copied from BibleGateway.com , a great source for all translations and more!

Ephesians 4:1-3 (NASB)

Unity of the Spirit
4 ‘Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, 3 being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.’

Our intention in sharing this journey is to help and not to hurt. The darkness needs to come into the LIGHT, the LIGHT WILL overcome it. Our Father said so and He is not a man that He would lie! Let us do that as You have taught us above, Lord, let us not do any harm. We are asking for prayer to strengthen us to walk in a manner worthy…face it when we fall…face it when we fail…accept Your love and forgiveness and start over again!

29 “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:29-32

Our Dear Father, let our words always be as you have commanded here and quickly call us back when a critical spirit or a root of bitterness and resentment creeps in, lest we do harm. Let us only share out of a desire to edify and not to repay or self serve. Use us Father to help lead Your people out of this present darkness and gather together hearts and minds in unity as You would have it. Thank You so much for all You’ve done, all You’re doing and all You are going to do. We love you so very much, Jesus. We are overwhelmed by Your Love for us. 

In Your Precious Holy Name,

Tim and Sherry