One Year After EMB…A Wife’s Story

The Lord brought me to this page on the first day of Tim’s experience at Every Man’s Battle and again one year later. How good is our Father? SO GOOD! INFINITELY GOOD!!!

When Dr. Stanley’s devotion brought me to Psalm 139 on April 7th, 2018 I had no idea what a deliberate thing my Father had done, bringing me to this page in my bible. It’s a favorite and well known Psalm to my heart, particularly the last verses,

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139:23-24

which is in my prayers often. I recognize that I can have blind spots and I want the Lord searching through my soul at all times to weed out the things in me that would harm others and harm myself. I fear being blinded by pride so I pray for Him to keep me humble and that is not always fun and I fail daily. My Jesus loves me anyway. He loves my Tim anyway. He loves you anyway.

On April 7th, 2017 Tim flew off to Atlanta, Georgia to attend Every Man’s Battle. At some point that day I likely went to Psalm 139 for comfort as I often do and Psalm 138:7-8 jumped out at me.

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, And Your right hand will save me. The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.” Psalm 138:7-8

Continue reading “One Year After EMB…A Wife’s Story”

Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home on my birthday 2017! God blessed me with snow all the day long and didn’t let it stick to the roads so we could still go and celebrate. It was beautiful to sit in the restaurant as big juicy snowflakes fell steadily from the sky. I truly felt it was a gift from my Savior, the extravagant One.

As the time approaches for someone else to call this their Home Sweet Home, the electricity of anticipation is sparking through the air hand in hand with the emotion of leaving a place we have lived in for 22 years. This morning I was praying about what I should focus on this day and next thing I knew I was writing down these words about the house and crying some here and there. Tim called as I finished my second edit of it and I read it to him but I could barely get through it! There is much emotion involved in leaving a place where your babies grew into adulthood and left…and came back…and left…and came back…and left for good to make homes of their own. This is where our grandchildren came and for them we have only ever lived here. I pray the joy we have experienced here will follow us to our next home and there will be many, many more precious memories made there. It is time for another young family to make this their Home Sweet Home. I’ve been praying for them, God knows who they are although we do not. Here is what I wrote:

“She’s a little rough around the edges, we abused her very well,

this home of our golden ones.

She held us close as tempests raged within,

tighter still as He calmed the wind.

Strong she stood against storms without,

cradling us safe and warm in His arms.

 Her mistress, she prays for those who will come next,

for the babies who will grow here

strong and beautiful as her own. 

This home, their sanctuary, her sanctuary…

A place of worship, a place of rest,

a classroom with Professor Jesus. 

A place where there was weeping, a place where sobs were heard,

a place where much laughter and hilarity ensued

A place where He attended their wounds, a place where He showed them His.

A place where young people met Jesus, learned about Jesus,

where exploits went down!

How You’ve moved within these walls, gluing the broken together again.

How You will move within these walls,

creating something ever more beautiful than what was before.

Thank You, Jesus, I love You,

Sherry

My husband…

The thought to share with y’all some of the things I’ve seen in Tim since all this began is not a new one. This post has been simmering for a while and I think now is the time. Recently, Steven Furtick said in one of his sermons, “Don’t tell your story too soon.” (“What about the Worm?”) He was referring to Jonah and how different his story would have looked had he told it while it was happening. How true this is and I’ve found in my sharing of some of the most intimate details of our life that I cannot tell it right away. While I may want to it all just needs to seep into my soul and get reconciled with what Jesus says and how it all fits into this messy tapestry of our journey.

But in Tim…wow…

On Saturday morning, January 20th, 2018, we were having breakfast and doing our Saturday thing when Tim asked, “Do you remember anything about last night? I woke you up?”

Completely baffled and racking my brain, “No, I don’t think so…”

He said, “You had gone to sleep and I was watching you sleep and you said, ‘The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the earth seeking who is worthy.'”

“What? No, I don’t remember that at all. Are you kidding?” I asked, incredulous.

Tim answered, “I’m serious. I woke you up and was asking you for more but…”

I then had a foggy recollection of him waking me up and asking me what I meant “The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the earth seeking who is worthy.” I remembered saying “No….that’s not it…it’s  ‘The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the earth seeking those…'” and I couldn’t remember the rest of the verse and went back to sleep. Wow. I was floored. Jesus had spoken to my husband through me in my sleep. I hadn’t read that verse or thought about that verse for ages. My mouth is hanging open right now retelling it! Unbelievable. This is the verse that I was trying to remember when he woke me up:

“For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” 2 Chronicles 16:9a

There are others but 2 Chronicles 16:9a matches best and is the one I thought of when he asked me, here are a few:   1 Peter 3:12; Psalm 32:8; Psalm 33:18; Psalm 34:15. There are likely more, my search wasn’t too extensive.

God was saying this to my husband? This was too good to be true. But surely if God was going to speak like this He would quote scripture verbatim? Could this have been me in my sleep? “Worthy” implies a works based faith which triggered me back to when I operated as if Jesus were a zapping God who repaid my every transgression with pain. God wouldn’t say worthy, would He? He knows we are unworthy! I was really struggling to believe that God would speak to Tim like this through me. I kept asking Tim, “Are you certain I said worthy?” Y’all know what I was doing? I was being the devil in the parable of the sower coming up and stealing God’s word to my husband from him. The Lord spent the next two weeks showing me that if He wanted to tell Tim that He was searching for men who are worthy of His strong support then who was I to doubt it? Tim received this as a word from the Lord, with reverence. Jesus knows exactly what He needs to say to Tim to get his attention and on that night it was “worthy”. It is also funny and loving and wonderful that Jesus had me watch like three sermons from different men where they said, “The Lord is looking for those worthy…”

“Sherry, Sherry, let Me speak to My son as I choose. Please don’t undo this.” Jesus

Paraphrasing again because it was messy to understand that I could have devalued this for Tim. There were tears and Jesus lovingly forgave me as He always does. How much of the enemy’s work have we done in our unbelief? Lord forgive us.

When you consider the shame involved in addiction, “worthy” is likely balm to the soul of an addict. I also saw that in my shame I was having a hard time believing God would speak to my husband through me in such a unique way. I’ve struggled with feeling worthy myself. No, I struggle, present tense. We have chosen to make our struggle a very public one so that we can help others not to do what we have done. I struggle almost every time I post because I’m re-reading my words through the eyes of others and imagining some might be enjoying our pain, somehow feeling better about themselves because we walk this road. We forget momentarily those for whom we write, those who are also encountering this, who long for someone who has already come out on the other side in victory. Who long for someone to show them the way out of this very dark and very deep and very deceptive forest.

It is shame that was experienced the first time after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden. They were naked and ashamed and that is how I feel sometimes after I share. Every time my Jesus has to walk me through it again. “Remember that you’ve received great healing, great healing that others long for. Didn’t you long for that? You must share what you’ve learned.” I’m paraphrasing because it usually takes much time in His word and many sermons for Him to get all that back in it’s rightful place. The enemy would rather we go back to hiding and pretending to have it all together. The enemy would have us forget that because of the BLOOD OF OUR SAVIOR, JESUS THE CHRIST we can stand NAKED AND UNASHAMED! JUST THE WAY HE INTENDED IT!!!

Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed.

By sin they became covered and ashamed.

We were born naked and ashamed in our sin.

THE BLOOD OF JESUS COVERS OUR SIN AND RESTORES US TO RIGHTEOUSNESS SO THAT WE CAN AGAIN BE NAKED AND UNASHAMED!

So…if I’m experiencing this, Tim must be experiencing this as well even though he insists we stay public. That is courage. I believe he feels there are those who judge him, who look down on him, who say he is not qualified to serve our Savior. I’ve sensed it at times, too. It was one of the themes God had us in for a part of a week. “There will be opposition.” For Tim to experience that and still encourage me to write here isn’t just courage it is SUPER COURAGE and I have so much love and respect and gratefulness for him and all he is allowing Jesus to do in him.

The very next morning, Sunday, we were watching Steven Furtick before getting ready to go to church. Sitting side by side I kept feeling like I needed to share with Tim what I’d felt the Lord had been leading me to do this week and see what he said. The thought didn’t leave and when the message was finished I told him that I’d been feeling like we were supposed to sort of gather a team of people who would be willing to pray for us as we are trying to do what we believe to be God’s will. Would it be cool with him to post about it on the blog and Facebook? He didn’t respond and I looked over at him to see that tears were flowing down his face.

“I’ve been thinking the same thing! Like we should write a letter to send out to pastors to ask for prayer!” he told me, overwhelmed at how the Holy Spirit acted to unify us in His purpose. It was a holy moment, I was so blessed at Tim being so blessed!

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling out of sorts, just off. Our son was getting ready to deploy and although I didn’t know it yet, Tim had begun to wall off a little and that had me uneasy. I wasn’t certain what I was feeling and I mentioned that all these little things look like a mountain to climb before we get to market, wondering out loud why I was feeling off. He was standing at the sink as he listened to me muse over what was going on. When I stopped my husband opened his mouth and gave me a mini sermon about God’s hand moving in our lives and how far we have come and I don’t even know what else he said but it was like balm to my soul. God is growing me my own personal preacher!!! I was floored. Literally, my mouth was hanging open and I was so encouraged! By his words and by his action. I told him I wanted more of that! If those are the things he wants to say but doesn’t he needs to start speaking!!!

In recovery there is an ebb and flow I think. Instant better is not something you should really have confidence in because it takes work. In our case we have our lifetimes of wrong thinking to undo. Lifetimes of broken patterns of behavior so slipping back is not uncommon, especially when things get stressful. It’s not fun but if you tackle it as another part of the problem to be handled and not the end of the world it is better. In this case, there were things Tim was upset about that he wasn’t sharing with me. He was keeping it all in a box inside and I knew something was bothering him and though I asked him daily he kept saying everything was fine. I was very triggered because this is the beginning of the pattern of failure and now I recognize it and my brain was switching into survival mode big time. Finally, thankfully, it blew up. I have had to learn to turn to Tim first, after Jesus, when I have something bothering me and he has been very trustworthy with it. He has become a safe place to take my heart most of the time. Now, I need to become that safe place for Tim to bring his heart. Not that I’m not trustworthy, I got like a 98% on the safe person assessment on the How We Love website. It’s that for so many years in his soul we were adversary’s. In addition, he doesn’t want to do anything to upset me and what usually happens is it gets way worse in the cover up in the effort not to upset me with a tiny thing. He knows this is wrong but habitual patterns of hiding your feelings are troublesome to break but they can be broken with due diligence and much grace and understanding where this comes from.  He has to learn to believe “I can trust my wife with this. She loves me, she hasn’t left me, I can trust her with my heart.”

The next few nights looked like a class was going down in the living room. The way we handle our emotions affects our behavior eventually so even though it was a communication issue and not an infidelity we both dove eagerly into James MacDonalds “Getting Unstuck From Sexual Sin” Parts 1 and 2 on YouTube, one per night. It is the way of thinking leading up to acting out that must be re-formed to stop the deterioration in the behavior. We were both frantically taking notes, pausing so we’d get it all, it was amazing! Here we were passionately seeking knowledge together in our living room! The YouTube version was much harder than the one I’d watched on TV but Tim took it and just drank in all the information, writing like crazy.

Just last Thursday the Lord ran us both through this lesson and I think we passed with flying colors, well a B anyway! We were working here in the house and butting heads a bit about how something should be done. It was a little of a flashback to shadow times, but this time without too much violence we both explained our point and proceeded but I could tell Tim was irritated and I said, “I think you are irritated with me.”

He said tersely, “No, I’m not irritated with you.”

It was dripping everywhere, in his tone, in his body language and after much debate he finally admitted he was irritated with me. I did a little cheer and rejoiced and the argument was over because Tim told me he was irritated with me!!! LOL! He trusted me to tell me his true feelings in the heat of the battle! I don’t know what he was expecting but in my book it was a major victory and I rejoiced in it. He has gotten really good about telling me his feelings about everything else but this was the first time he admitted negative feelings about me and that is huge and I received it in a way that says, “There is nothing you can’t tell me. I get it.” Don’t you know I tell him when he’s irritating me!

So there are hiccups in recovery, sometimes a full blown mountain will land in your path, just remember who is the Author of it, remember Who sustains you, Who your Teacher and Physician is. With every one there is a lesson to be gleaned. Depending on where you are in your healing it can seemingly set you back but you must know that our Father has a very deliberate and detailed plan for your personal recovery. He loves you intimately, He knows everything about you and He loves you anyway and He is in hot pursuit of His sons and daughters. I can see His fingerprints all over my husband and family and I’m so excited about whatever He has for us. Sunday night we attended Worship Night at New Life in La Plata and it was so good to stand with my husband and my girls to worship our God. I got so excited I wanted to shout “Jesus!!! I’m so excited!!! Please lets go do some exploits!!!” out to the world! I didn’t but I just may yet! Oh to do exploits with Jesus, side by side with my husband, Lord, let it be so and let it come quick!

 

 

 

Thank You, Lord, for George…

Thank You, Lord, for George, the bright red cardinal who blesses many of my days. He lands and rests on my window sill, peeping into this strange landscape that is our living room. He just came back. Lord, please protect him from the cats that come through from time to time.

He has hung out at the window as I’ve sat writing, coming and going for hours. George is a companion of sorts and he is missed when he doesn’t brighten my day with his red little self. I didn’t see him for a week and became really worried about him. Tim finally discovered that George had gotten fascinated with peeping into the garage windows, his absence explained. He returned to our living room soon after. He just now flew off after that last landing. It’s like he knew I was writing about him. This faithful little cardinal has likely stolen too much of my heart…for Him and for him, I am thankful.

George arriving on two different occasions.

 

This is George’s beautiful wife, Mabel. She is not nearly as friendly as George, I’ve never seen her at the window and never on the birdbath either. Occasionally her red beak will expose her camouflaged self in the bush or in the tree. These are likely George and Mabel the 862nd! Lol! I don’t know, I’ll have to look up their life span. They’ve been coming regularly for many years.

Yes, Jesus…

Right about now, during the altar call at the end of an 11:00am service 38 years ago, I said “Yes, Jesus, please be my Lord and Savior.” Did I have any clue what that meant and what that would look like? Not a one. It has been a journey, an uphill and a downhill and a roundabout journey. He had much sin to dig me out of. I am thankful for my periods of ignorance during my walk with Him. I am mortified now at the way I used to think, the way I used to act…and that was last month, lol! His mercies are indeed new every morning and I am finding more and more out about Him and His ways every day. There is no end to the depths of God and after 38 years I’m still in the baby pool!

This day I remember with great joy, it was the best day of my life, the defining moment of my life. All was in shadow before that day. I can’t imagine living in this world without my Jesus. Please say yes to Him and make Him your Jesus. You are already so loved and wanted. Just say yes. He will transform your life but first He wants to deal with your sin. He paid the penalty on the cross for every human being who will receive it. There is none too bad, too wicked, too sinful to be saved by God. His blood at the Cross has covered it. He died knowing your name, my name. He rose again on the third day and taught among us until He ascended to the right hand of the Father where He sits today making intercession for us.

This thing that began so long ago in me was not a commitment to certain rituals and to attend church every Sunday and so on. It was the beginning of a very personal relationship with the Creator of Universe who died to make that possible. There is nothing about me He doesn’t know and it ain’t cause I told Him either! There is no where I can go to get away from Him, He is everywhere. I’m so thankful He is because why would I want to be anywhere He isn’t? In His hands is where I want my life and the lives of those I love and the lives of the whole world actually and that is not too big a prayer to pray because He is a REALLY BIG GOD! It is also His will. In His love He gave us free will. How valuable would our love be if we had no choice? Choose Him, you will never regret it. He loves you so much and wants to teach you His ways. Say yes, please.

Sherry, Daughter of the Living King

 

 

The places He takes me…

I had the homepage here pulled up on my computer and was pondering all that the picture of the surfers paddling against the waves represents to me. The quest, the struggle, get past the rough water to gain control and get ready to catch the epic wave that will bring great joy as it swooshes us toward solid ground.  That’s just one, the dark clouds on the horizon indicating more rough water…I could go on. We never met these surfers, one was a girl. She was amazing! I’m so thankful for them and their quest that morning, so thankful that my husband was framing up this beautiful image that has so encouraged my heart.

I have prayed often for these surfers and for everyone entering the waters surrounding Hatteras Island which led me to think about something within another thing I have not shared yet with anyone but Tim, the kids, and my therapist. There’s more to the back story but I want to share a prayer I wrote inspired by these surfers and others we’ve met and heard tell of who work and play in the waters surrounding Hatteras Island and the Outer Banks.

“Father, I thank You so much that I am walking on this sand right now, that You have brought us to this place just as You said You would. Your purposes will become clearly evident, I know, as we allow You to light our path each day. I pray for the safety of all who enter these waters today and always. They will enter to work and they will enter to play and I beg Your protection on each and every one. Let them heed the warnings and take wisdom with them. I ask that You work in each life here on these islands and throughout the world. It is not Your will that any perish but that all come to know You and I ask that right now for the entire world. Use me Lord as You will to accomplish Your purposes here on this earth ‘til the day You call me home. I love You, Lord and I thank You, Lord. As always, You have amazed me.
In the name of Jesus, Amen.”

The Great Physician, the Ultimate Healer, kept urging me to write about when we finally make this move He has told us to make. I can tell it’s Him when an idea or a thought won’t leave me alone and He wasn’t leaving me alone with this urging. It just kept coming back. I was in a stuck position, seeing my therapist, participating in group, but I couldn’t seem to get unstuck from all that has happened. Of course it took me quite a while to finally obey Him but when I did! At a certain point I believe He took over and my fingers were flying and I was sobbing and all these words just poured out into the computer and it was just one of those times when God cleans you out. He had me relive some of the horror of what has happened and then with this task He made me see I wouldn’t be stuck forever. He literally poured hope into my soul through this exercise. Not just hope, but HOPE! Excitement! Anticipation! He is so good.

I took it in and shared it with my therapist at the end of the session. We didn’t have time to talk about it that day but she said she had been drawn in. The next week I took to her what I had at that point and apparently it’s not bad writing and she encouraged me greatly and gave me some really good advice which I have not yet had the courage to follow although telling y’all about it will be a stepping stone.

This prayer, written after the emotional cleansing part when I was actually imagining my first day on the island with Tim at work, is in the first chapter of what will hopefully become a whole book. It is written as fiction but it is from the depths of my soul. When I read it I pray it and it is my heart.

I am begging for prayer from any and all who would give it. Prayer for our continued recovery, to get this house to market, to do His will and not get distracted! To write this book if He want’s it written! My next therapy session will be like the tenth since she gave me that advice and I’ve yet to follow it although I really want to. I am afraid. So pray for courage to do what I need to do regarding this book thing! Thank y’all so much. I am grateful.

We are so excited!

We just ordered the “How We Love” Couples Group Leadership Kit! Milan and Kay Yerkovich shared much from their book “How We Love” at Intimacy in Marriage and it greatly impacted both Tim and myself. We both see what they are teaching as the key to understanding why we act the way we do and then they tell you and show you how to fix it!!! In the most amazing ways! The very first night at IiM, as they gently introduced us to these concepts, places in my soul that were sore and painful began to gently be pressed and I began to see things about myself that I’d never seen before. Tim as well. He found out at the intensive that one of the reasons he gets real antsy and anxious toward the holidays was because his dad was in the Navy and many times they were eagerly anticipating and preparing for him to be home only to be disappointed time and again. Tim was the youngest so he didn’t know all the details, just that his dad didn’t come home for Christmas even though he’d thought he would.

The things that happen to us as young ones affect us now. I used to tell the girls in the youth group to watch how a young man treats his mother because this is likely a picture of how he will treat you when all the excitement wears off and y’all settle into being a family. I’ve seen this play out as truth, in both directions. If things aren’t right it doesn’t have to stay that way. We owe it to our children and grandchildren to get it right as we experience this journey. Even if we’ve gotten it all wrong up till now. I joke that Tim and I learned so much about walking with God because we made about every mistake there is to make but the reality of the experiences wasn’t funny at all. We did many things wrong and have suffered greatly for it but the beautiful and amazing and wonderful thing is that somehow God has rescued us out of each one every time! How many times can I fall that my Savior doesn’t pick me up? It is in our messes and in our brokenness that we experience His comfort, His forgiveness, His teaching, His mercy, His grace, His truth…we experience HIM!!! He patches us up and He makes sure we’ve learned the lesson and He then sends us on our way to be about His business again! He knew where we were going to fall and He knew where He was going to pick us up. Oh, how He loves us…

Sorry, a bit of a tangent there! We are so excited to see what God will do through this teaching. Marriage workshops could very possibly be a part of JC and Me and we need a great curriculum for that. What better than something that has already impacted our entire family in ways beyond all we could ask or imagine? All the work is done, too! At least that part of the work! Lol!

We figured that if we wanted to help people for the Lord that the place to start was in the family and adults getting ready to form families. Jeff Bogue at Momentum said once in the staff meeting that when he was leading youth it was more important to him to get around Johnny’s parents than it was to spend time with Johnny. As a youth leader you might get an hour or two of Johnny’s week but Johnny’s parents have him all the time. Their influence over Johnny will have a larger impact than yours and if they are doing it right Johnny will be in good shape. Johnny’s family begins with a marriage, from two whole people joining together as one with God. We need to be whole people and to do that those wounds we carry need to be dealt with. Those wounds can become weapons and strongholds in all kinds of dysfuntional ways, it’s important to get them healed up once and for all.

We are so excited and anticipating all the Lord is doing and will do! Kind of like as a child counting down the days to Christmas!

“…the dawn of a brand new day…”

I filled another journal and started a brand new one on February 15th, which is the day I took this picture and began this post. There is something about a blank journal and a fresh pen that is so exciting, new days, new thoughts, new ideas, new revelations, to be recorded on all those beautifully blank pages.

It seems as though we’ve been and are going through the Refiner’s Fire, for real. There were days I didn’t think I was going to make it, facing all the loss, grieving all the loss, our future together uncertain. From where I’m sitting right now, believing that the worst part of this particular storm is over, I think I can say with truth and conviction that I wouldn’t change a thing. It is this very heartache we’ve been in recovery from that gave me and now Tim this living, active and vibrant relationship with Jesus. If I hadn’t had to cling to Him for the next breath I wouldn’t know how He holds me till I can get it in and out. I wouldn’t understand washing His feet with tears and the sweet rescue from my Savior who loves me so. I wouldn’t have received His supernatural peace and comfort and I wouldn’t know how real He is.

We are so excited about what God is doing in our lives and it’s time to get moving forward in new and exciting ways. Jesus is still illuminating just the next step and that is fine. He is teaching us to trust Him. A few months ago, I was telling my therapist about this blog and how we want to help other people struggling with the same thing and she asked me “Do you want ‘JC and Me’ to be defined by recovery from sexual addiction?” Screaming brakes and skid marks!!! Do I? The truth is a resounding “NO!” We want JC and Me to be about JESUS and the things He cares about. We want JC and Me to be a place of joy and worship where we celebrate the gifts and talents God has given us, where we can live life in community with each other with Jesus at the center of it all.

He wants us to be His hands and feet just as He wants all His people to be His hands and feet on this planet. We want JC and Me to be about Reconciliation and Restoration as well as art and craft, wind and wave. Reconciliation first with our Creator and then to whatever else is going on in the people He brings into our lives. The brush with the canvas and the potter to the clay. The desire to learn with the qualified instructor. The leaky faucet with a new washer. Whatever the Lord brings before us. The reconciliation of a husband and wife and the restoration of their marriage and preservation of their family.

When we started this blog the intention was to have it automatically post to our Facebook page where it will reach more people and then we were going to share it to JC and Me. April’s question to me halted that. For a little while. Not long ago I watched “Doing Life with Jefferson and Allysa Bethke”‘s show on addiction. They have several really good animations to illustrate things on this show and in one of them it said that 85% of young men watch or have watched porn. This freaks me out people. Pornography wrecks and wipes out the family and if our young men are viewing this they are setting themselves up for a very broken future. Then there is human trafficking because there is so much money to be made there aren’t many women willing to meet the demand so they are stolen or lured into situations they can’t get out of. Souls in exchange for dollars. That’s another post.

“There is a way that seems right to a man but it’s end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12

Watch “The Heart of Man”, it’s on Netflix now.

 

Because of the destruction going on in our world we need the truth to get out there so I’ll be blitzing our FB page and then the JC and Me page with all these blog posts. Lol! Please feel free to share them, they weren’t sharable before for some reason but I believe that is fixed. If what we post will help anyone please share. I felt so alone on this broken road and I am so not, it’s just that no one is talking about it.

 

 

 

 

My name is Sherry Pogar

Hello all! I’m writing this to let people know that my name on Facebook will now be Sherry Pogar, not TimandSherryPogar. We are together and we are committed to one another in a way we’ve never been before. To have both our names is kind of not truth because Tim doesn’t get on Facebook. It’s just me. We made this decision months ago mainly because if a woman wants to contact me about something she likely won’t, knowing that Tim might see what she is sharing. Even being TimandSherry he doesn’t look but we do want those who may need help to know they can speak to us individually in confidence.

The other reason we are changing this is because one of the consequences of this brand of sin over a long period of time is a loss of yourself, the betrayed spouse. It is important in marriage to be two whole people, not one existing for the sole purpose and pleasure of the other, with their devotion dependent on your performance.  I have struggled with the actual doing of it though. Tim and I made this decision together. We’ve told our children and older grandchildren. I’ve discussed it with my therapist and small group and everyone seems to think this is a great thing, but it has been a difficult switch to make.  To separate our names on Facebook shouldn’t be a big deal but somehow it is. Is it that I am afraid to stand on my own? Even though our marriage is better than it’s ever been? I’m not certain what the struggle has been but today we make the change.

If you want to contact either of us, Messenger is not always a reliable way. We’ve just set up the email system for this site but there are a few kinks to work out. Our email addresses are:

Tim:         timpogar@jcandme.online

Sherry:   sherrypogar@jcandme.online

I still have sherrylynnpogar@live.com and we still have timandsherry@live.com. Tim emails with various men in the battle and I do not open the emails. Just in case the new ones don’t work yet.

Which way will you choose?

What I’m about to share I wrote in a private email but I keep feeling like it could be helpful to a spouse struggling to honor their marriage as well as the betrayed spouse. After reading it again, it occurs to me that this can be applied to all sin. We have choices to make every hour of every day, who will we serve?

“…I just want you to know your value and how valuable you are to God, so valuable He wants to protect you as well as bring back His prodigal son. If the prodigal had brought his wild living back with him to go on at his fathers house the story would not have been the same and there lies the difference, I think. In Touch Ministries “Today on the Radio” contrasted King Saul and King David. It was so good and y’all should listen to it. Both men began as faithful servants of God, chosen by God, both men sinned greatly against God but Saul chose fear and jealousy and insecurity and did not repent but became even more disobedient. David, on the other hand, through Nathan, saw his sin and was heartbroken over it and he had genuine Godly sorrow that led him to a repentance and restoration to the Lord. King Saul killed himself after the death of his three sons in a battle where all was lost. Through King David came our Jesus the Christ.

We need our husbands to choose the way of King David, for us and our children and grandchildren yes but for our husbands as well. If I had had the courage and knowledge to throw down the appropriate boundaries years ago I wouldn’t be in the state I’m in. Our family wouldn’t be in the state it’s in. My son’s did not see their father honor their mother and they have wives and children of their own. We aren’t the only ones it hurt though. It hurt Tim. My passive anything goes I’ll love you forever, allegedly submissive, actually allowed him to continue in his sin. He sunk to new levels of depravity as I allowed him to continue to blame me and he went back to some form of adultery every single time. He’d repent and walk the walk of a man of God, leading and participating in all kinds of ministry and then out of left field I’d make a discovery and our whole world would implode again. That is the responsibility I bear, passively allowing sin to continue, thinking I was being Jesus to my husband. Jesus response to the moneychangers in the temple seems like a more appropriate response, huh? They were defiling the temple of God and Jesus was angry. Aren’t we the temple of God as the bible teaches? Are our husbands defiling their own temple and ours when they go outside of marriage? Do we stand by and allow it to continue? Jesus didn’t and He was the one to set the higher standard of not even to look at a woman lustfully. That is adultery and under the law, punishable by stoning, I believe, and in place at the time of His words. Disclaimer: I feel confident that the Lord does not want us to prepare whips to beat up our husbands. However, He does want us to work with Him to bring our husbands back to Him, set appropriate boundaries, do what will bring about the Godly sorrow that leads to genuine repentance.”

I’m hoping this is helpful…

Sherry